Powerful Things I Stopped Apologising For Since Turning 40
- Bertha Mukodzani
- 7 days ago
- 4 min read
If there’s one thing I’ve come to understand deeply over the years, it’s this: reaching a certain age teaches you a lot about yourself. There’s a quiet wisdom that creeps in as you get older. You begin to see things more clearly—not just about the world but yourself. And with that clarity comes a boldness, a softness, and a sense of freedom. So, in this blog, I discuss what I believe are the most powerful things I stopped apologising for since turning 40.
These are things I’ve come to accept and embrace with age. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll find the permission you didn’t know you needed to stop apologising, too.
Powerful things I stopped apologising for since turning 40;
Putting Myself First
This one is huge for me. For the longest time, I thought being loyal meant sacrificing my own needs. That putting others first, even to my detriment, was some sort of noble act.
Imagine knowing you need a new winter coat, but instead of buying it, you’re out here freezing because you feel bad or guilty saying no to someone back home who’s asking for help. I’ve done that. More than once.
But here’s what I now know: If something is truly a need—like an emergency—then yes, help where you can. But if it’s not urgent, if it can wait, then you don’t have to bleed yourself dry. You’re not being selfish. You’re being fair. To yourself. And you also eliminate the resentment that brews inside of you when you realise how often you've put yourself last.
Taking Time for Myself
Gone are the days when I’d explain or feel guilty for needing space. When I want solitude, quiet, and reflection, I take it.
And it’s not just for me, but it’s also for the benefit of those around me, for when I’m mentally, emotionally, and spiritually rested, rejuvenated and well, I show up better for others. So yes, I protect my alone time now. And I no longer apologise for it.
Outgrowing Relationships
Granted, we’re gregarious beings. We're human, which means we need people. But not just any people.
Some relationships, no matter how long you’ve known someone or how much you love them, are simply not good for your mental health. I’ve learned that it's okay to remove yourself from a situation. To love someone from a distance. And that some chapters have to close so that new, healthier ones can open.
It is hard to let go. But holding on to relationships that have gone past their expiration date, I've learnt, can also block your blessings.
Not Being Available 24/7
Once upon a time, I was the one who was always there for everyone. The kind of person who finds it hard to say NO. But unfortunately, when you're too available, sometimes people can take advantage.
Nowadays, while I still make myself available when necessary, I also protect my time and energy. I've ceased being perpetually accessible. I've grown more at ease with recognising that my time is precious and my energy is sacred, so I now dedicate myself and my time only to places where they are valued.
Celebrating My Wins
No more shrinking. No more hiding.
Whether it’s a small win or a big milestone, I celebrate myself. Not to show off. Not to brag. But because I’ve worked hard, I’ve cried, I’ve failed, I’ve picked myself back up. And when the breakthrough comes, it deserves a moment. It deserves joy.
And you know what? Celebrating yourself is an act of gratitude, and that matters, especially to me as a Christian.
Prioritising My Health
Rest. Sleep. Eating well. Getting that Vitamin D. All of it.
Healthy food is expensive, yes. But illness costs more. And as we grow older, the body starts to send those invoices—sooner or later. So, these days, I no longer see investing in my health as optional. It’s a necessity. A gift to myself. So, I've stopped compromising and putting money before my health.
The same goes for my mental health. I protect that too by being ruthless about who I surround myself with and what I allow to enter my brain. It’s all part of the package.
Choosing Peace Over Appearances
There was a period when I was always concerned about others' opinions. However, I've come to understand that maintaining appearances is tiring. Moreover, nobody cares. The aim is peace, not pretending or trying to seem perfect. Not sharing an idealised version of life. Simply peace. And it's more valuable than any façade.
Setting Boundaries
This one was hard. For years, I struggled to say no. I allowed things to slide—comments, requests, behaviour I should have shut down.
But the truth is, when you don’t set boundaries, you start to lose your confidence and your self-worth. I’ve learned that no is a full sentence. And when I finally stood up for myself, the feeling? Empowering. I slept better. I held my head higher.
Setting boundaries is an act of self-love.
Choosing My Dreams Over Other People’s Expectations
This one is especially close to my heart.
So many of us worry about what others will say. What will they think if I start this? What if I fail?
But listen, your dreams matter. And you owe it to yourself to try. Even if you fail, at least you tried. At least you lived. I want to leave this world with no regrets, knowing I gave life a good go.
So yes, I’ve stopped apologising for chasing my dreams, even if they make no sense to anyone else.
Final Thoughts
With age comes the confidence to live more truthfully. To stop apologising for being who you are.
So, these are the things I’ve stopped apologising for, and I hope reading this gives you the courage to do the same in your own life. Because you deserve that freedom, too.
What’s one thing you’ve stopped apologising for?
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