The Truth About Loneliness in the 21st Century - the great disconnect
- Bertha Mukodzani
- 7 days ago
- 4 min read
(Watch the video instead)
It’s no secret that this generation thinks differently and moves differently. But it never truly hit me just how far we’ve drifted from what we, as Africans, call Ubuntu. Maybe I’m taking it too much to heart, but a recent realisation about loneliness in the 21st century left me feeling deeply concerned - not just for our generation, but for the next one too, if things don’t change.
The Ghosts in the Supermarket: Are We Losing the Art of Connection?
Recently, I was at the supermarket, doing my grocery shopping. The place was absolutely packed. Trolleys being pushed left, right, and centre, baskets full, people minding their own business as usual. I must have spent about 30 to 45 minutes in there; it could've been longer, because I was taking my time, as I always do, comparing prices and choosing items carefully.
As I finally stood in the checkout queue, something strange hit me. I looked around and realised… There wasn’t a single conversation happening. Not one. No eye contact. No smiles. Nothing.
The only sound you could hear was the noise of trolleys being pushed across the floor. It was silent in that eerie, unsettling way. And weirdly, it reminded me of a horror movie scene. You know the one where ghosts float past each other in a room, completely disconnected from everything around them?
That’s exactly what it felt like.
Strange Encounter
Still ruminating over the eerie silence, I glanced at the person behind me. They glanced back and gave me a quick smile - you know that polite smile people give when they don't want to be rude but aren’t really engaging either. And just like that, they looked away.
I didn’t say anything. But that moment stuck with me.
The Truth About Loneliness in the 21st Century
Later that evening, I sat with that feeling, thinking this isn't a one-off; this happens everywhere.
At work, in the staff room during lunch breaks, people scroll endlessly on their phones. No conversation. No eye contact. Nothing. Even in churches, people go, sing, listen to the sermon, and then disappear with nothing more than a half-hearted “Hi.” Even on the train, don’t get me started on the train, people are crammed shoulder-to-shoulder, but there's no talking. Not even a casual greeting.
Lonely in a Crowd
And that’s when it hit me: We’ve become a lonely generation.
We’re surrounded by people every day, yet we feel this deep, gnawing emptiness. The UK, currently my home, has recognised that we now have a silent lonely epidemic, hence there are programs and initiatives now tackling loneliness as a public health issue. Because loneliness is no longer just an emotional problem - it’s a physical one too.
When you're lonely for too long, that sadness creeps into your body. It morphs into stress, anxiety, and even depression. And we know what comes next - high blood pressure, heart issues, even kidney problems. As we know, the body is like a car: when one part starts breaking down, the rest follows.
The Real Problem: We’ve Become Zombies
Somewhere along the way, we've turned into zombies. Always on our phones, headphones in, heads down. No time to smile. No time to say hello. And even smiling has become a chore!
The sad part is, we are missing precious human moments. Moments of human interaction where eye contact is made, laughter shared, and a story told, even if it’s just for a minute. We’ve become too busy to notice. Too busy to care. And too busy to be vulnerable.
Why I Miss Zimbabwe
Sometimes, I find myself longing for my other home, Zimbabwe. I miss that strong sense of community. Back home, people greet strangers in the street. When someone asks how you are, know that they genuinely want to know. They're not asking out of obligation, but out of care. And they have the time to listen.
In the UK, individuals tend to be reserved, with everyone focusing on their own affairs. While there are situations where maintaining distance and personal space is important, we have come to accept emotional isolation as the norm. We've become accustomed to it, and now it seems normal not to engage with others. We've lost the art of connection.
When someone tries to start a genuine conversation, we think they’re weird. That’s how far gone we are.
We Are Meant to Connect
Deep down, I believe all of us ache for something more. We crave it, even if we don’t admit it.
We are gregarious by nature. We are designed for connection. And the cure for loneliness isn’t just more people. It’s real connection. Eye contact. Laughter. Curiosity. Presence. These are the things we need to focus on. Because if we don’t master the art of connection, no program or initiative will save us.
It Starts With One Brave Person
Sometimes, all it takes is one person. Let me tell you a quick story. One day at work, a lady walked into our quiet coffee room. Everyone was eating, scrolling, and sipping tea. No one was talking. She stood by the door and said, “Okay, everyone, stop. I’m here to break the silence. It’s so quiet in here, it’s making me scared!”
She said it in jest, and it was funny; and just like that, the whole room burst into laughter. Conversations followed. It was beautiful.
That’s all it takes sometimes. One light-hearted comment. An offer to make someone a cup of tea. One hello. One genuine smile. A smile you can feel. Not one that leaves you feeling insulted.
Connection Doesn’t Need to Be Complicated
In conclusion, it doesn’t take much to build a community. Just one brave step. And before you know it, everyone is infected with laughter, connection, warmth, and good vibes.
So anyway, I don’t know what you think about all this, but I truly feel we’ve become a lonely generation. Surrounded by people but starving for connection. Let’s not forget who we are and what we need as human beings.
We need real connection. We need each other.
Please, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.
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