So, this is how I make sense of the broken heart...
But, first things first: I have to acknowledge this is not a pleasant subject. But loss is a part of life. I also hate to say it, but as long as we’re still on this God’s green earth, the heart will break at some point.
The heart breaks for many reasons -losing a loved one through death, a terrible breakup or loss of some kind.
And I get it. Dealing with a broken heart is as complex as it gets. Science even acknowledges that the brain registers the intensity of emotional pain caused by heartbreak as equating to physical pain. The whole scientific explanation makes for interesting reading.
But, speaking from experience, I know that mending a broken heart can seem like an endless ordeal.
When your heart is aching, seeing what’s good and beautiful can seem a futile attempt. Everywhere you turn, the world and everything in it looks grey. You cannot stand the sound of birds chirping, and you find it hard to admire those blooms in your backyard.
Going to bed at night is a nightmare, too. When the lights have gone out, the silence forces you to wrestle with your thoughts and nurse that ache inside your heart. Mornings are no better either because the alarm wakes you up to your reality.
For now, at least, pain is all you know.
There is a point during this ordeal when you almost seek out that jolt inside your heart. And for reasons you cannot fathom, you do it seamlessly. The pain has become your constant companion. Why? Because without that ache gnawing away at you, you cannot make sense of that empty feeling inside you. Or justify why the world has lost its meaning, why you cannot laugh anymore. And why you cannot feel happy for others or celebrate their victories.
Only your pain helps you to make sense of it all.
To let go of that ache means forgetting what has caused it in the first place. No mother wants to stop grieving for their child if it means allowing the memories of the one whose birth you heralded with ululation, song and dance to fade. Why would anyone let go of the heartache if it suggests forgetting the pride you felt as that baby nestled in your arms. No mother on earth wants to let the pain go if, God forbid, it means you cease to be its mother.
Suppose it is the loss of a lover. The one who once made your heart leap with joy. The one you cared for deeply and meant the world to you. Your heart knows that letting go of its brokenness is to kiss your lover farewell. It means doing the work and healing, which will be the final nail in the coffin.
You will have to move on with your life without them. However, I understand that unless you are ready to let them go, you will not allow yourself to heal.
Because moving on means letting your once treasured memories fade, it means acknowledging that the person you once held dear to your heart has lost their significance in your life. And it also means accepting that you will not break down each time you recall how they once made you feel.
So, what better way to hold on to those memories than holding on to that pain for as long as possible? Also, keeping the pain buried deep within justifies your fits of anger. Your sadness. Your lack of motivation. Your persistent loss of appetite. Your insomnia. And your depression.
As long as the heart still aches, you can explain why you still pin photos of the object of your torment to your wall. It explains why you close your heart to other possibilities - why you have not been able to love again.
It is not your fault that you will have to master the art of defending the status quo. When someone dares to encourage and motivate you, you shun their words of encouragement and feel nothing but rage. How dare they patronise you with platitudes?
Somehow, the pain has become your source of comfort. As twisted as it sounds, the heart causes us to do and believe strange things.
Unfortunately, as the saying goes - hurt people hurt people. The gripping pain inside soon manifests into the dragon that spits fire: a venom that quickly spreads and destroys anything and everything in its path. As the demon encroaches further into your once pure soul, you sink deeper into the black hole. By this point, you are fighting a losing battle.
So, how on earth do you cleanse it and rid yourself of the pain for good? Some may suggest therapy, while others will swear by the pill. But, sometimes, it takes a real friend to make you understand that only YOU hold the key. You have the power to save yourself.
This is easier said than done, but you can do it. First, you must ride the dragon of grief. Drown in your sorrow and allow yourself to feel what you feel. Cry. Eat junk food. Sleep all day. Obsess. Bore your friends to tears with your sadness. But no matter what you do, never feel shame. There is no way around it.
But when enough time has passed, too much time, it takes a friend to slap you in the face and tell you to get a grip, face your demons and tackle them head-on. Because right now, tough love is what you need.
So, my dear friend - Get out of bed. Wash your hair. Go outside and sniff the hope that’s out there. Because there is hope, and to borrow words from a movie - ‘You shall be well. You shall be yourself again. You shall be perfectly content.’
Disclosure: This site contains affiliate links. I receive a commission at no cost to you when you buy through these links. Thank you for supporting and allowing this blog site to continue to bring you valuable content.
I have a few videos about dealing with grief on my YouTube channel. Check them out. Subscribe if you like the content.