Dating, Love and Relationships, Finding Love Abroad: Challenges in Dating as a Middle-aged African Woman Abroad
In this blog, I want to discuss the unique dating challenges that Black African women face, especially those of us living abroad. It's a topic that doesn’t get enough attention, even though the statistics and experiences tell us it's a real struggle. Let’s begin by looking at some of the data that highlight trends in marriage and social patterns among Black populations, both in Africa and abroad.
The Declining Marriage Rates
According to recent studies, marriage rates have been declining, particularly for Sub-Saharan African women living in places like the U.S. Nearly half of African women abroad remain unmarried. This pattern reflects broader trends across Black communities globally, where factors like economic advancements, education, and migration have impacted marriage rates. Many Black African women abroad report facing difficulties balancing career growth with marriage expectations, which has led to delayed or fewer marriages.
And this isn't just happening in the secular world. Church-going middle-aged African women are facing the same challenges when it comes to dating, finding love and finding a marriage partner, which shows this issue is widespread.
Zooming in on Middle-Aged Women
Now, I want to zoom in on the experiences of middle-aged Black African women living abroad—women like me. If you're still in your early 20s or even late 20s, you might not feel this crisis as much yet. But for those of us in our 40s or beyond, the reality is stark. Why are we facing a dating and marriage crisis? Let’s dive into the reasons, ranging from minor to more serious issues.
Below Are The Truth About Dating as a Middle-aged African Woman Abroad:
Time Constraints
One major issue is time. Most Africans who relocate abroad do so for economic reasons. We come here to work, to send money back home, to support our families. Many of us work shifts, taking on multiple jobs, chasing the pound, the dollar, whatever currency it may be. This leaves us with little time to socialise or go to places where we can meet potential partners. It may sound like an excuse, but it’s a reality for many. At this age, we have bills to pay, kids to raise, and mortgages to cover. So, when do we have the time to date?
Emotional Baggage
By middle age, most people have been through some things. If you're single in your 40s or 50s, it often means you've faced divorce, heartbreak, or the loss of a spouse. The thought of dating again can be terrifying because you know the pain of loss and don't want to go through that again. This emotional baggage creates invisible walls before we even meet someone, making it hard to open up and trust again.
Baggage From Life Circumstances
Beyond emotional baggage, there’s the practical kind. By this age, many of us have children from previous relationships, complicated financial situations, or lingering ties to past partners. This "baggage" makes forming new relationships challenging. Kids, exes, financial issues—they all create hurdles that can prevent relationships from progressing.
Online Dating: The Candy Store Mentality
Another modern-day challenge is online dating. Yes, it's convenient, especially for those of us who don’t have time to meet people in person. But it comes with its own set of problems. Many people treat dating apps like a candy store, where they sample everything without serious intent. Everyone is looking for instant gratification, and no one has the patience anymore to build a meaningful relationship. This mindset makes online dating a frustrating experience, especially if you're looking for something real and long-lasting.
People Are Set in Their Ways
By the time we reach middle age, people are often set in their ways. If you meet someone expecting them to change for you, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. People will only change if they truly want to, and no amount of hoping or wishing will make them adjust their values, beliefs, or habits for someone else.
Dating Scams
Unfortunately, dating scams are a growing issue. Middle-aged women are particularly vulnerable, especially if they're recovering from a messy divorce or the death of a spouse. Scammers know this and take advantage by studying their targets online, learning what they want to hear, and then using that information to manipulate them. It's a cruel reality that makes it even harder to trust anyone, let alone start a new relationship.
The Preference Gap
Here’s another challenge: Black women, statistically, prefer to marry Black men. But more and more Black men are marrying outside of their race, which leaves a shortage of eligible Black men for Black women. This adds to the frustration, especially when society keeps telling us there’s a "man shortage" for Black women. The debates are endless, with some Black men claiming that Black women don’t see them as marriage material, while Black women argue that they want to preserve their culture by marrying within the race. The reality is complex and often painful.
Final Thoughts
Dating as a Black African woman living abroad, particularly in middle age, comes with many challenges. From time constraints and emotional baggage to online dating woes and societal shifts, the obstacles are real. If you're a Black African woman facing these struggles, know you're not alone. And if you've got experiences or insights to share, please drop them in the comments—let's start a conversation.
Comments